Meeting David Sedaris

I saw a sign a while ago advertising that David Sedaris would be speaking at my local Chapters branch. I read Me Talk Pretty One Day several years ago while vacationing in Switzerland and scrounging through my father's large collection of pass-around books. I really enjoyed it and always intended to read more, but I just never got around to it. In any case, I was fairly interested to attend the event.

And then promptly forgot all about it.

That is, until a friend who also writes a book review blog just happened to review Sedaris's new book, Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk. Hoping I hadn't missed it, I looked it up online and found that it was going to be on the next day! I do love coincidences!

My husband picked me up from work and we went out to dinner and did a little New Year shopping. The event wasn't until 7pm and I finish work at 4pm, so we had quite a bit of time to kill. Of course, it was freezing and so at about 5:30, we decided just to go to Chapters and hang around until the event began. Good thing we did because the place was already pretty packed.

We bought a copy of Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk and then my husband left (due to his work schedule, he has to get to sleep early). So I was standing in line until my back started hurting too much and I sat on the floor.

More and more people were showing up, and someone asked the woman behind me if she could move up to give more people room. "There's a pregnant girl here," she said, perhaps a little indignantly. Then she leans down to me: "Honey, you just sit right there, okay? You can come up in front of me when we get close, but you don't have to move, okay?" I thanked her and the line moved on without me.

A minute or two later, another older woman leans down to me and says "they're getting a chair for you." I was rather surprised, and I asked her if she was the one who had told the staff to do so. "A pregnant woman shouldn't have to sit on the floor," she responded. Then I see it - the chair was floating above the crowd, slowly making its way in my direction. A short woman in staff uniform was carrying it raised above her head and trying to make it through the press of people. She put it down when she got to me and motioned to a young man also in uniform. "He's organizing the event. He's going to take care of you, okay?"

The young man took up the chair and told me that they were going to put me at the front, asking if that was all right. Who am I to say no? So we went through the crowd (something of a walk of shame, I felt like some VIP who doesn't have to obey all the rules for 'commoners'), and he set the chair down all the way at the front, extending the front row of seats so that I was sitting next to a security guard and a speaker. "Is it okay for the speaker to be here? Is this going to be okay?" asked the staffer. Are you kidding me? Like I'm going to fuss at this point!

It was still very early, with perhaps another hour to go before the official start of the event, when David Sedaris showed up. To keep things moving, he started signing books right away. An announcement was made that he would be staying until everyone had their books signed, no matter how long it took, but that there were two conditions: 1) No photography of any kind (close-up or from far), and 2) That to get a book signed, David Sedaris was requesting that we tell him a joke in exchange. I don't know if the first rule was David's or Chapters's, but I think it might be the latter since my book doesn't have an author portrait in it.

In any case, I was now in the first line, so I got to move up for the signing pretty quickly. I overheard him trying to guess people's Zodiac signs, which was rather funny because people sounded impressed when he got them right even though he was mostly getting them wrong. "I don't believe in astrology," he said. "But it's fun to try guessing."

The girl two spots ahead of me told her joke and David howled with laughter. When the next one came up, he asked her if she'd heard the joke. When she replied that she hadn't, he told it to her:

What did the pedophile say when he was released from jail? I feel like a kid again!

The person in front of my wanted a book-on-tape signed, so David pulled out his trousse and got a silver pen. He came prepared!

As I stepped up, he was talking about how he prefers listening to books on tape rather than reading them because it means he can get his ironing done at the same time. "You can read and iron at the same time, it just takes a bit of practice," I said - being an expert at doing chores one-handed since my university days offered me the choice between learning to do both or skipping out on one (sleep was already being minimized as far as it would go). "You can do that because you're a Sagittarius," he replied. I'm not.

"How many of these have you actually gotten right?" I asked.

"I'm not doing to well tonight, but..." He motioned to the Chapters events rep standing behind him, "she can back me up on this, I was getting them all right last night!"

"Oh yes," chimed in the woman. "I don't think you missed any!"

Then he asked me for my joke. I'd been thinking ever since the announcement was made, but I couldn't think of anything to say. In a panic, I said that I only know the ones about the two tomatoes crossing the road.

"Ketchup?" he asked. Yes. "Yeah... Listen, why don't I tell you a joke instead?" I failed. Here's the joke he told me:

Why does it suck having sex with Jesus? Because he's always trying to come into your heart.

So there you have it!

I went back to my seat and read Squirrel Seeks Chipmunk until 7pm.

He read the title story of the book, as well as a story about a fly eating vomit that was apparently excluded from the print version of the book (but is on the audio version) because his editors told him it was too gross. He played with two little sound-effects toys, then he recommended that we all buy a book called Everything Ravaged, Everything Burned (saying that we ought to buy this book before any of his own) and read a few passages from it. To finish off, he read out some passages from his diary.

While I was listening to him speak, I kept hearing this snorting noise coming from the right. The only person there was a dour security guard. It was truly a mystery. So I decided to keep an eye on that guard (clandestinely, of course, because security guards don't generally like it when you stare...).

Sure enough, I soon caught him snorting, face all scrunched up, trying to keep control of himself. The poor man had an image to protect, and here was this author, this comedian, ruining everything!

It was a great night and I really enjoyed the experience. David Sedaris seems like a really nice guy - or, at least, a really good actor. I was also very impressed with the staff and customers who worked together to provide assistance to a complete stranger!

Pregnancy Books

Inspired by the joyous news that our friends are now expecting, I had a look at the "baby stuff" section of my library and discovered a couple pregnancy books that I had just completely forgotten about. I read them all cover-to-cover while we were trying to conceive and then they just went on the shelf. But before I re-gift them to the next happy couple, I thought I'd share a few impressions...

Dr. Spock's Pregnancy Guide, by Marjorie Greenfield: Very medicine-centred, although midwives and alternate caregivers are also mentioned. This book breaks the pregnancy down into week ranges, covering the changes you can expect in the baby, the changes in you, what you might be feeling/experiencing and what you can do to mitigate unpleasant experiences, and what your caregiver might do (tests, recommendations, etc.). It does cover many of the emotional aspects of pregnancy - such as mom's concerns, or dad's feelings - and tends to take a very 'medical'/OB approach. It does include little "parent to parent" boxes where people who are pregnant or have recently been share some of their experiences. It's a good way of humanising the material, I found. One thing that concerned me a bit - and this may be an issue of editions - is that some of the advice given in the book is dismissed in the materials I receive from my midwife. For example, the Dr. Spock's says that one benefit of getting an episiotomy is that it's much easier to stitch up than a tear, while the materials my midwife gave me say that episiotomies "start" a tear and actually make it more likely that force-tearing will occur. (Ladies, be ready for tons and tons of contradictory information. This seems to be endemic to the whole pregnancy discourse.)

The Mother Of All Pregnancy Books, by Ann Douglas: The great thing about this book is that it's written specifically for Canadian moms-to-be. One of the big frustrations about being Canadian is that it's so hard to find information that isn't coming out of the US. For many topics, this isn't such a big deal, but anything relating to health is so different between the two countries that very little practical advice from the US is applicable to us. So while there are certainly variations from province to province, this book at least gets it in the right ballpark.

I would say that, out of all the books, this was the most useful. It covers everything from "are you ready to conceive?" to "baby's home... now what?" I found the table of contents to be much more useful than the Dr. Spocks because it didn't just list the chapters, but listed the actual content as well. This made finding the parts I wanted to re-read much easier. I also found that there was a lot more emphasis on dealing with the emotional side of pregnancy. For example, a whole section is devoted to answering specific concerns (organized by trimester). I've also noticed that the advice given in this book tends to be closer to the advice I get from my midwife.

What To Expect When You're Expecting, by Arlene Eisenberg, Heidi Murkoff, and Sandee Hathaway (I have an older edition): A staple of every pregnant family's library, we bought What to Expect because doing so is as much a part of being pregnant as getting really really big. Much like Dr. Spock's, this book does break its advice down by stage (months, in this case). Each month gets an overview of the baby's changes, your changes, possible symptoms, what you can expect at your prenatal visits, etc. It also covers other topics in detail, such as diet, choosing a practitioner. I liked that it was more detailed than Dr. Spock's and broke its table of contents down in the same way that The Mother Of All Pregnancy Books does. The only thing I don't like about the month-by-month format is that there isn't really a "normal" pregnancy, and I can see areas where I experienced symptoms in the "wrong" month. If you're going to read this, don't just read the month you are on - rather, give the whole book a read-through at least once right at the beginning.

The Pregnancy Bible: I won't be getting rid of this one quite yet as I'm still making use of it. This book is much better illustrated than the other three (in that it's actually illustrated), with lots of glossy, full-colour photographs and artists' renditions. The downside, of course, is that the content isn't nearly as detailed. Other than a skim, I haven't actually bothered reading the whole book, since I simply wasn't finding anything new that wasn't covered far better in the other three books.

What I like about this book is the section on fetal development. Each week gets its own photograph (or drawn representation), along with approximate weight and size of the baby, and a little description of what changes the baby is going through ("Your baby is beginning to look almost human now, and her tail has nearly vanished," for example). It's been something of a tradition since we dated our pregnancy to sit together at the start of each week and read the relevant blurb.

If you are someone who learns through books, this should not be your primary resource. This is a fun book, not one you want to be getting most of your information from.

My Thoughts On Pregnancy Books

A co-worker complained to me that she couldn't read any pregnancy books because they made her worry too much. Any good resource is going to cover all the things that can go wrong, and if you have the kind of personality that will then imagine that everything is going wrong, you probably don't want to spend too much time with these books.

I'm the complete opposite. For me, reading about all the horrible things that can go wrong make me feel powerful, like I'll be ready if any of these things happen. If you're more like me, you'll probably want to read as much as you possibly can! Just make sure you know yourself and, if you find that you are getting overwhelmed, stop reading.

If you do read more than one book, you will find that there are many contradictions - often on matters that should be simply "is there or is there not?" questions. Do episiotomies prevent tearing or cause tearing? How complicated could that question possibly be? Very, apparently. So be prepared. My advice would be never to stick with a single source - read as many books/websites and talk to as many healthcare professionals as you can and make your own decision based on what seems the most plausible to you. That being said, be prepared to change your mind as you receive new information or experiences. The most dangerous thing, I would say, is to decide that one side has the "right" answer and to follow that even when it's clearly not working for you and your body.

The other thing you will likely notice is that these books can make you feel very guilty. Pregnant women sometimes have cravings and we just really really want that cheeseburger. We also have social obligations and find ourselves in our favourite restaurants knowing that we're not supposed to eat the things we like any more. My philosophy is this: Avoid the really bad stuff, eat healthy overall, and forgive yourself when you occasionally eat something that isn't so healthy. After all, if you're going to break your dietary ideals, you should at least be able to enjoy the experience! Thankfully, most pregnancy books nowadays will take this more flexible approach, but you will find some pretty crazy sticklers out there. Pregnancy comes with all sorts of symptoms and discomfort - guilt shouldn't be one of them. If a book is making you feel uncomfortable or excessively guilty, put it down.

The last thing I want to say is that you should avoid buying pregnancy books before reading them. We bought all of ours (except The Mother Of All Pregnancy Books, which was a gift) and I really regret it. As I said above, I read them all early on and then didn't touch them again. Whenever I have specific questions, I tend to turn to either my midwife or the internet, so I really haven't been using these as on-going resources. If I could do it over again, I would have borrowed the books from the library to read them, and then only bought those that I could see myself using more than once.