Vampire Chronicles #1: Interview With the Vampire by Anne Rice

Read: 26 June, 2008

Overall, I did enjoy the book. I just found it disappointing in several ways. My first complaint is that the timeline was rather fuzzy. We are told at the beginning that the story starts in the 1790s. He then says that two hundred years pass before going to Paris, which really doesn't make all that much sense. I know that part of the whole point is that Louis survives by being so self-absorbed that he doesn't really notice the time flying by, but it would have been nice to have some indication of how much time has been passing. I would have liked a better sense of the change in eras rather than the "and everything was the same because my life sucks, boohoo" that we ended up getting.

The book was definitely a page-turner, but I felt vaguely disappointed whenever I did turn the page - especially in the first fifty or so pages. I think it's mostly because I enjoyed the movie so much and people have been telling me for years about how wonderful the book is. So I came to it with such high expectations that it couldn't possibly have lived up to them.

Louis's whining got on my nerves a bit. Most of the time, it was overshadowed by my interest in the plot so I didn't notice it. But there were passages that just went on and on about how terrible it is to be a vampire and how damned he is and how he doesn't know if God exists and so forth and it made me just want to smack him and tell him to get over it. I think that Lestat says it best at the end of the movie where he tells the interiewer that Louis always did whine a lot.

Speaking of the interviewer, I was very disappointed by that part of the book. Having an interviewer was a great opportunity for a dialogue between the reader (using the boy as a surrogate) and Louis - an opportunity that Rice misses. Instead, the boy is just an annoying disruption in the first portion of the story, completely non-existent for the second portion, and only came back at the very end for the punchline. It's as if the entire set up of an interview was just so that the boy could deliver the "final lesson" to the reader or something. Don't get me wrong, the punchline was good and I'm glad it was there, but it shouldn't have been the only reason for the boy's presence. There was wasted opportunity there and I can't help but feel let down.

Other than that, though, I did enjoy it. I liked the abusive boyfriend kind of angle to it. Claudia was a great character. All in all, I'd say that it's a great page-turner for a lazy afternoon, but not much more than that.

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy by Douglas Adams

Read: 17 June, 2008

The edition I have has The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy, The Restaurant at the End of the Universe, Life, the Universe and Everything, and So Long, and Thanks For All the Fish all bundled up into one book, so I just read that straight through and I'll be reviewing all four together.

Firstly, I loved Hitchhiker's. It was by far the best of the four. It was the most solid in the sense that I could just relax and go with the story without ever having to put the book down and think "okay, now how does that make sense?" I know it seems strange when reading Douglas Adams, but Hitchhiker's had good internal logic or verisimilitude, something the other three novels didn't quite achieve to the same degree. I also found this first novel to be the most densely packed with humour.

I found The Restaurant at the End of the Universe to be a little dull, honestly. There were good moments, but the whole bit that followed Zaphod as the main character just didn't work for me. I love Zaphod, he's a great character, but most of his appeal comes from how he appears to others. Taken alone, he lost much of his individuality because we saw him having to do non-Zaphody things out of necessity. This was made all the worse because I had an image of who Zaphod was that the real Zaphod, with the story seen from his perspective, couldn't live up to. I found him dull and tiresome.

Life, the Universe and Everything and So Long, and Thanks For All the Fish were better, but didn't have that "embarass myself by laughing out loud in public" quality that Hitchhiker's had. Taken separately from the first novel, I liked them quite a bit (loved the ending, by the way). I just didn't feel that they measured up to the first novel.

I think that most of what put me off the three novels after Hitchhiker's is that they spent a lot of their time trying to explain or expand upon the jokes made in the first novel. These were jokes that had worked beautifully on their own. It felt like, when at a party, you tell a joke and some guy comes along while everyone else is laughing and tries to explain the punchline. He might do it in a funny way, but it's still a little annoying. Don't get me wrong, I did like all four novels. My complaints are more about saying how wonderful Hitchhiker's was, rather than saying that the other three weren't.

Arthur Dent was by far my favourite character. He was just fabulous. I found Trillian well handled - she's not a major part of the story and she isn't described in any great detail, but what is said aboput her hints at a character with a lot of depth. Zaphod was great, but, as I said earlier, works best when seen through others as an extravagant character rather than as an actual human with his own mundane life. I felt that Ford Prefect was rather unmemorable. All the details the narrator tells us about him were interesting and funny, I just didn't find that he jumped off the pages when he spoke or acted in the same way that the other characters did. And why does everyone call him Ford when that's just the name he used while on earth? That bugged be a bit! Marvin was good. He was funny and, thankfully, wasn't around enough to get annoying.

All in all, a good read that I would highly recommend.

Quality Paperback Book Club

WARNING: Really long post ahead! It's essentially about why DoubleDay sucks and you should never EVER shop with them. Must-read if you love books and have ever considered ordering from a company that claims to offer cheaper books in exchange for a membership!

I'm a sucker for good deals on books. Dangle a marked down book in front of my face and you can get me to sign almost anything. Unfortunately, that's exactly what the Quality Paperback Book Club (QPB) counted on.

They have this deal going that if you agree to purchase at least 4 books at full price over the next two years, you get five books for $5. Sounds awesome, right? Well, that's what I thought. So I ordered those five books and I paid $5 (plus shipping and handling). They got here, everything was awesome, so I looked at some of the other book clubs owned by the same company. There's a Crafter's Choice Book Club that I signed up for. I ordered my five books from them as well (it counts as a separate account, in case you were wondering, so the sign up deal still applies).

Instead of the five books I ordered, however, Crafter's Choice sent me only two books and charged me full price for both. I wrote back to them explaining the situation and, while I waited, QPB sent me four books that I never ordered (apparently, I am supposed to call every month and tell them that I don't want to buy the "books of the month" - an awful feature that, to my understanding, has been cancelled). Since their boxes aren't marked and, since I was expecting some other packages, I opened the box. At the time, I didn't know how to return them (since I didn't want to pay for postage) with the box already opened. So I wrote them a letter explaining that situation as well and asking them what I should do.

Now, it all gets a little complicated from this point on, so I will deal with the Crafter's Choice issue first and then with QPB. They sent me a letter back saying that I could order my first five books using a card that they sent me. In the same letter, they sent me another copy of my bill that still charged me full price for the two books I had already ordered. It had taken them several months to reply, by the way. I wrote back that same day explaining that the issue is that I am being asked to pay full price for two books that I never agreed to pay full price on - they were overcharging me by about $30.

Again, it took them several months to respond. This time, they said that I could order just three books for $3 instead. In the same envelope was another copy of the bill that still charged me full price for the two books I received and had added a late fee onto it! That's right, I got charged with a $5 late fee because they failed to answer me in a timely manner. By this time, I had found out that if I just package something and mail it, I don't have to pay postage. They will just have to pay it on their end. So I found an old Chapters box, put the two books in with a letter explaining that, since they aren't willing to fix my issue, I am returning all books I've ordered and asking that they close the account. I also explained that I have a late fee only because the issue involved my billing (I was being overcharged) and it had taken them so long to address the issue (which they, in fact, never really did) that I was charged a late fee.

The next letter I got wasn't from them, but rather from their lawyers. It explained that if I didn't pay the $5 late fee, they would ruin my credit and pursue "serious legal action." I wrote them another letter explaining why I hadn't paid and never received a response. Instead, I just got a series of letters from the lawyer threatening me. Finally, I decided that $5 wasn't worth all the stress it was causing me, so I just paid (along with a very nasty letter, I readily admit).

Back to QPB - So I had written them a letter asking them how I should return the books since the box had already been opened. It took about three months for me to receive a response and it was one of those copy/paste jobs that essentially told me that I can return any books I am not satisfied and they hope this addresses my issue. Thanks. I decided that their snail-mail customer service department was obviously on vacation, so I found their e-mail address (which, by the way, is NOT easy to find) and wrote them an e-mail explaining the whole situation. I sent it on September 7, 2007 (yes, actual dates! All my e-mails are saved on Gmail, so I can actually look up precise dates for this part).

On Septemer 11, 2007, I received a response from a woman telling me, again, that I could return any books I wasn't satisfied with. This time, however, she also explained to me that those books had been sent to me as part of a "special membership feature" and told me that she had cancelled any future mailings of that sort for me. So I wrote back that same day and explained (again) the issue.

She did not respond to that e-mail until January 28, 2008. That's right, about four and a half months later. All she said was that she has no record of me every trying to contact by mail, and didn't even bother to answer the part about the issue I was having. So I sent back another e-mail (again, on the same day - hey, maybe I should go into customer service!) and asked (again) how to solve my issue. She never answered. So I sent another e-mail on February 27 explaining my issue again and asking why my e-mail had gone unanswered. Again, she never answered. That ought to put a little perspective on the quality of the company's customer service. Finally, I called and got through to a woman who told me that I could just repackage the books and mail them and I wouldn't have to pay shipping. PERFECT!

Unfortunately, all this had taken so long that I now owed them a $5 late fee as well (that would be for not paying for books that I hadn't ordered in the first place, I might add). I sent the books back the same day that she told me how and included a letter explaining that the only reason I hadn't paid for the books in a timely manner is that I was trying to deal with their customer service representative and that's just how long it took.

A few weeks later, I received a letter from QPB's lawyer (the same company that did the attack-dog work for Crafter's Choice) telling me that I had to pay the late fee immediately or serious legal action would be taken. Great. Bear in mind that I received NO RESPONSE regarding the letter I had sent explaining the situation. So I finally decided to call them. It took me a while to find the phone number (the company certainly doesn't advertise how to get in touch with them). I explained the whole situation to the phone representative and she seemed very sympathetic. She told me that she was very sorry that my experience had been so poor and that she would take care of my account immediately. She assured me that it would all be settled and that I wouldn't have to pay the late fee.

A few weeks later, I got another letter from their lawyer asking why I didn't pay and threatening legal action. So I called again. Granted, I was rather angry by this point, but I tried very hard to maintain my composure. I calmly explained that I had mailed them and received no response and that I had called and a phone representative had told me that my account was cleared. This representative told me that she had no records of any previous phone calls, letters, or e-mails from me (this was, by the way, something the e-mail lady had told me as well - that there was no records of any letters from me despite my frequent attempts to contact the company). When I asked her if the previous representative had lied to me when she told me that the late fee had been taken off, the representative hung up on me.

So I called again. I explained everything once more (omitting my question about lying) and, again, was told that there were no records of my every contacting the company. They didn't even have a record of the call I had made not five minutes previously! This representative was nice enough, apologized "if you have had poor experiences previously" (even if it was in one of those tones that just screamed "yeah, whatever, if you say so... liar"). She agreed with me that it was unfair that I should be charged a late fee and told me that she had cleared my account of that obligation.

Then I got another letter from the lawyer. Yes, that's right. I was lied to TWICE, right into my ear. I attempted to e-mail the same address I had used previously several more times, but they either went unanswered or I only got copy/paste responses back.

It was at about this point that a friend recommended that I report QPB to the Better Business Bureau (BBB). I did this. My compensation request was simply that my account be closed (without the obligation of fulfilling my contract) and that my late fee be waved. Time went on and I received several more threatening letters from QPB's lawyers. Finally, I gave in. I have perfect credit and it just wasn't worth jeopardizing that on the off chance that the BBB would actually be able to resolve anything. So I sent them a $5 cheque, informed them that I had contacted the BBB, and requested that my account be terminated immediately.

A few weeks later, I received a bill indicating that I needed to pay $43 to be able to cancel my account (since I hadn't ordered four books at full price). Well, I'll be damned if I'm to simply part with $43 without getting anything for it, so I went on the website and ordered the four cheapest books that I would like to own.

A few days after that, I finally received an e-mail from the customer service representative dealing with the BBB report. The letter goes on about how "contrary to the BBB report," QPB had received a membership request in my name (something that I never mentioned in the BBB statement I wrote since I know perfectly well that I'm the one who signed up) and that they still haven't received the introductory package that I had been advised to return. There's two major things wrong with that statement: 1) The introductory package was fine. My complaint had to do with the membership "books of the month" package. 2) The customer service representatives I had spoken to on the phone had claimed that they had no record of any attempts on my part to contact QPB, while this guy is just admitting that my e-mails are on file.

So anyways, he goes on about how QPB has made several attempts to assist me in resolving my problems but that I haven't followed instructions. He then finishes up his implications with the statement that "In fact, our records further show a 2nd account in your name that was also closed under similar circumstances" (referring to the Crafter's Choice account, obviously). So maybe I am too emotionally invested in this to think objectively, but that sounds a whole lot like he just accused me of trying to scam the company. Now, I realize that he probably has to put up a lot of this bravado to paint me as the bad guy since BBB is involved, but this is just incredible!

But let's look at the actual statement, shall we? What qualifies as "similar circumstances"? In the one case, I returned the initial package and asked that my account be completely closed as though I had never signed up in the first place. In the second case, I received the initial package, paid for it, and then ordered the books needed to complete the contract (which he mentioned in his e-mail). How are those similar? The only similarity I can find is that, in both cases, I was forced to pay a late fee because something had gone wrong and I couldn't get hold of them for so long. In both cases, I cancelled my accounts due to gross incompetence on the part of their customer service department. Is that the "similar circumstances" he's referring to? Should I interpret all of this as a coded admission of guilt? Or is it more likely that the "similar circumstances" refers to his stance that I tried to scam the company and was thwarted?

And finally, the end of his letter said that my account will be closed as soon as I pay the remaining balance of $49.56 (the final price of the four books I ordered. Well, I did get the books, but the bill charged me $54.55 instead. I would assume that this was because he credited the wrongfully-charged late fee to my account (after the books were sent? which wouldn't make sense because they were sent several days after I received his e-mail), but he certainly made no mention of it. It's like he knew he was wrong, but he couldn't admit any part of it - even just to tell me that I've received a refund! Either way, I paid the amount on the bill lest I get another letter in three month's time telling me that I didn't pay the full amount and will be charged another $5 late fee!

Just to close up this (lengthy) complaint, I would like to say that I have no idea whether DoubleDay (QPB and Crafter's Choice's parent company) is a deliberate scam or if they are just completely incompetent. The fact that they have made mistakes with almost every order I placed with them and that NONE of them have been resolved to my satisfaction in a timely manner despite repeated attempts on my part to contact that (not to mention a costly phone bill as they are located in Toronto) tells me that it could be either. Then again, I've looked them up on wikipedia and they seem to be an old and established company, so it could just be that they have a really terrible customer service department.

Ultimately, it doesn't really matter. Whether a scam or just a hopelessly incompetent company, the end result is a lot of headache and a lot of money for the consumer (it does add up - $10 in late fees, another $10 in phone calls, at least $20 in postage, not to mention the extra $5 added to my final bill). If you ever see an advertisement for any of the DoubleDay book clubs, I cannot recommend strongly enough that you just forget about it and go to amazon, chapters, or whatever book provider you prefer instead. The deals may seem good, but they just aren't worth it in the long run.

EDIT: Right after writing this, I checked out the status of my BBB report. Apparently, they sent the first notice to DoubleDay on 15 May and received no response, so they had to send a second notice on 2 June before a reply was made. At least it's not just me they don't respond to!

EDIT 2: Well, I certainly wish that I'd checked this or this out before signing anything!

EDIT 3: So I got another letter from this guy. He's now claiming that he has communicated with me in a "timely manner" and gives me dates that directly contradict not only my own e-mail records, but also the Better Business Bureau's records. However, he did finally apologize. Here's the apology: "Nevertheless, though our versions of events differ substantially, we apologize for the problems you have had with your memberships."

Translation: "We don't believe a word you've said, but if we have to apologize - fine." Well, I e-mailed him copies of all the e-mails I received back in 2007 and early 2006 (which directly contradict his "version of events," I might add) and pointed out to him how insincere his apology was. I then informed him that it was an apology, such as it was, and that since this had been my terms when I contacted the BBB, I would close my complaint with them. I then informed him that I made this post and that I also posted on ripoffreport.com, and closed with the hope that my treatment has been a fluke and that they haven't put anyone else through this. So there you have it. I'm hopefully done with these cretins.