A Three Pipe Problem by Julian Symons

Read: 8 August, 2008

Nothing special. It's a fairly short read, so I suppose it's fine for a rainy day - that's assuming you can get through all the racism, sexism, and anti-modernism without bursting a blood vessel. Someone really needs to inform Mr. Sheridan Haynes (the main character) that the Victorian era was only wholesome and lovely if you were rich and male.

As far as the plot itself goes, there's not much to it. About 95% of the novel is an introduction to the character of Sheridan Haynes, a jerk who completely ignores his wife (she leaves him, but by the end she's realized that she loves him and comes back, finally learning to accept all the "quirks" that had made her leave), bullies and ridicules his colleagues, and thinks altogether too highly of himself. He's a bore to read about, especially since most of his lines consist either of "I hate cars! I wish the combustion engine had never been invented!" or "Sherlock Holmes is god. Anyone who doesn't worship The Master is a moron!"

There's no character development. Sher (as he is called) learns absolutely nothing. He loses his job because of the way he acts, but is immediately offered another. He loses his wife, but she comes back with no compromises. Everything is just handed to him and he learns nothing.

The mystery itself is almost in the background. There's an overview of the murders in the first few pages and then a description of how they had happened at the end. Everything in the middle is just repetitive character exposition. Quite frankly, the resolution wasn't entirely satisfying either. "I kill people because my dog got run over, then I will help an actor solve my own crimes for no reason whatsoever" just doesn't do it for me. Cassidy could have at least made an attempt to throw Sher in the wrong direction or, if he really felt all that guilty about what he'd done, he might have tried hinting at it. But no, he plays out like a perfectly ordinary innocent character right up until his confession.

The writing style is really the only redeeming quality of the book. It's simplistic, but it gets the job done and at no point was it confusing. It makes A Three Pipe Problem a very easy and quick read.

Overall, I'd say the whole novel was just a 192-page excuse to use the term "nig-nog."